GETTING USED TO SOMEBODY

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Two Months

Yes! I am still in my relationship! Can you believe it? I know, sometimes I can’t either. Every day I wake up thinking “is today the day I fuck it up?” but so far the only thing I’ve fucked up is my Netflix queue and the only thing I’ve cheated on was my diet.

Within the first month, I had a lot to work on with transitioning from a single socialite who went on at least one date every week (and ate whatever I wanted) to someone who has to share a bed with somebody and text every day. Although, I do still get to eat whatever I want.

I thought the first month was going to be the hardest because it was something so different and new, but as it turns out, maintaining a relationship is hard work and it doesn’t stop after 30 days. It keeps going. With every day, there are new challenges and obstacles and “disagreements” you have to work on with your partner.

For the second month, getting used to somebody was my biggest struggle.

In case you couldn’t tell, I am an only child who was practically spoiled by my mother growing up (maybe she still pays my phone bill, I don’t know…) so for me, getting used to somebody is not such an easy feat. I remember last June when I moved into a new apartment with a new roommate, I had all of these feelings and anxieties about having to see and talk to someone new every day. It took a few weeks of getting used to her crazy behaviors (ie, doing the dishes every night, turning a light off when she leaves the room, showering, etc…) but in time, we adapted to each other.

Things with my boyfriend (wow, I haven’t written a sentence using the word “boyfriend” since I wrote in my journal about my crush on Howie from the Backstreet Boys) has been a pretty easy transition. For starters, he lives in another borough from me, leaving out the possibility of a “pop-in.” We each have our own apartments, our own jobs, our own friends, and our own lives. We make time to see each other twice a week, and honestly, I think that has had a huge influence on how well our relationship has gone. We don’t have a chance to get sick of each other or annoyed because we are only together for a short amount of time. And then we retire back to our own apartments and lives and miss each other.

But, even though we aren’t around each other 24/7, there are still times when I need to get used to somebody else’s “unordinary” behaviors. Luckily, my boyfriend doesn’t do anything too crazy or insane, but like every couple, there are always things we notice and we ask our partner, “…but, WHY?” For example, we were at dinner the other night and we ordered a pizza. It wasn’t until his second slice when I noticed something insane…something utterly ridiculous and irrational: He ate his pizza upside down.

That’s right. Cheese-to-tongue. Perhaps this isn’t something that outlandish, but for me, born and raised in a family of normal-pizza-eaters, witnessing this behavior was something different and unconventional.

Now, as you can infer, the way he eats pizza is not a deal breaker by any means (the way he eats an Oreo could be…) but these are just the playful things those in a new relationship tend to notice and focus on. And believe me, I am sure he could write a longer list about my insane behaviors.

… I just hope he doesn’t. 

SOMETHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Three Months

There is a quote in the book, The Happiness Project, where author Gretchen Rubin says, “Communication is really key in the act of fighting right. Before you begin to even argue, make sure you know what you are mad at first and only discuss that.” And after this month, those words have never been more accurate.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a full 90 days, and in most scenarios when you are trying to get used to or adjust to something, many experts say 90 days is all it takes. For example, if you are quitting smoking, the first three days are the toughest, but after 90 days, your body – and you – start to become accustom to the absence of tobacco. Now, I know being in a relationship is nothing like quitting smoking (although both are stressful and your weight can fluctuate), but it is some sort of an achievement to make it to this benchmark.

In the course of these 90 days, my boyfriend and I have laughed constantly, bonded over movies and television shows, met each other’s friends, attended family dinners together, and gotten to know everything about each other (well, almost everything. I have yet to divulge the severity of my food fetish). It has been so nice to finally let my guard down with someone and truly be myself. But aside from all the great aspects of our relationship, there of course have been a few obstacles.

During the course of our third month together, we officially had our very first “fight.” I put fight in quotation marks because it wasn’t a big enough argument to technically count as a fight. A miscommunication, maybe, but not a fight. Although while it was happening, all I could think was, “Is this it? Are we done? Do I have to change my Facebook status?” Of course, now I am aware that couples argue and that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. But, this was my first fight with a boyfriend and I was terrified of the outcome.

Fortunately on our second date, we agreed to each other that we would participate in this relationship with complete honesty, trust, open communication, and weekly backrubs. During the figh…miscommunication, we didn’t have a full-on blowout. We didn’t scream at each other, throw things, or even curse. We sat down and expressed our feelings and differences in a calm and mature way. The two times we had a disagreement, we did not finish the conversation until a resolution had been made. We, essentially, never went to bed angry. And that is when I remembered the aforementioned quote about fighting right.

To fight right basically entails to only tackle one problem at a time instead of indulging in arguments that cover every grievance from the first date. To fight right is to ease into an argument instead of blowing up immediately. To fight right is to be open, civil, honest, and calm. I am not much for self-help books or “rational ways of thinking” but reading about this really helped a dating novice like me learn to acclimate to dealing with hurdles in a relationship.

I spoke to many of my friends who are in relationships (okay, I only have one friend in a relationship) and she assured me that couples fight. And sometimes couples fight a lot and it’s not essentially a bad thing. This made me feel a hell of a lot better knowing that in three months we had only disagreed on two things, and one of them was what appetizer to split at an Applebee’s.

I left both of our “fights” feeling so much better about the relationship. About where I stood, what he expects of me, what I expect of him, and how to alter some of my habits. By being honest and open with each other, we have learned the correct way to fight. We have learned the way to approach a disagreement. We have realized the Applebee’s appetizer sampler is the perfect compromise. We have made our relationship stronger.

And our relationship is something worth fighting for. 

MY FAVORITE FOUR LETTER WORD:

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Four Months

Four has always been my favorite number.  You may wonder, “What’s the significance?” Well, there is none. It’s not my birthday, it’s not how many siblings I have, and it’s not the number that was sewn into my jersey the summer I attempted to play little league. It’s not how many pieces of pizza I can eat in one sitting and it’s not how many people I have slept with. It’s just a number. But, from as early as I can remember, four was – and still is – my lucky number.
 

That’s why when the fourth month of my relationship was approaching, I thought to myself, “It needs to be really special!”

 And I think it was.

 
I have never said, “I love you” to someone that wasn’t a family member, friend, or Red Lobster employee. It’s not that I was afraid to; it’s just that I never really felt that way for someone. Sure, I would think I was in love with every guy I met – even the ones I only spoke to for a week on Grindr. But, the past few months I started to really understand what love actually is.

A Hugh Grant movie, apparently.

But, what I also discovered is that love is something so extraordinary and distinctive. It’s an emotion that completely takes over your body and your mind. An emotion, I have never felt before

I had wanted to say it to my boyfriend ever since he woke me up on a Sunday morning and presented me with two everything bagels, but I was too scared. “Does he feel the same way? Is it too soon to say it? Is there an extra side of cream cheese in the bag?” I had no idea and it drove me crazy!

I consulted with a few different friends of mine to find out when the right time to say it and the general consensus was – there is no right time. Each one of them said it to their boyfriends at various times and stages of their relationship. One said it after three weeks, another said it after living together for a month, and the other hasn’t said it yet. I was starting to realize that there wasn’t exactly a time line that I needed to say it by. So, I waited.

We would go to lunch and he would grab extra napkins and I would want to say it. He would hold the door open for me, and I would want to say it. He would turn to me in bed and say “Wanna watch Mrs. Doubtfire?” and I would want to say it. But every time I opened my mouth, my heart would stop and I would freak out. I was so scared of the possible rejection.

It wasn’t until two weeks ago, after we had went out for a nice dinner that I said to myself in the bathroom mirror, “Tonight is the night. Say it! You can do it...And also, you have some mustard on your tie.”
 

We walked out of the restaurant and towards the 23rd street subway station where we would part for the night. We made it to the subway and I looked at him, smiled, counted to four, and said it. “I love you.”

It felt amazing. It was such a release and honestly, at that moment, I didn’t care what his response or reaction would be. I, for the first time in my life, said that four-letter word to somebody. He looked down at me and said, “I knew you were gonna say it tonight!” he kissed me and then pulled back and said, “I love you, too.”

And then I started to cry.
 

Not only was it the first time I said “I love you” to someone, but it was also the first time someone said it to me. Hearing those words was one of the greatest and sweetest moments I have ever experienced and I was so happy that I trusted my gut and said it.

What you can take from this are two things: One, when you buy your significant other bagels, always make sure there is an extra side of cream cheese. And two, don’t hesitate to say I love you. If it’s someone you’ve been dating for a month, five months, or even just a friend and you want to see where it could go, speak now and say it. You will feel a million times better.

And now that the “love” gate has opened, it has truly made our relationship substantial. I feel like it’s something real – something big. And I never grow tired of hearing that word. 

A COMPROMISING SITUATION

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Five Months

I am, essentially, an only child.

My two siblings – both half siblings – are well into their forties, so we never grew up together in the same house and when we get together now, it’s almost as if they are my estranged cousins or friends of my parents.

Growing up as an only child was amazing. I loved not having someone to share things with and I especially loved getting all of my parents’ attention money.   But now, as I venture into being an “adult,” there are a few minor qualities I never really had to learn until I got into a relationship. One is to always remember to flush the toilet. The other is to compromise.

Since the mandatory toilet flushing aspect is pretty self-explanatory, I will instead discuss my findings on the importance of compromising.

There is a quote that I love from the show Sex & the City. The protagonist, Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, sits at her open Mac Book wearing fingerless gloves and a tank top while sipping on an almost empty cosmopolitan where she looks out her window and ponders, “In a relationship, when does the art of compromising become compromising?” 

And this month, I discovered the meaning of this quote.

In the beginning of every relationship, both partners are on their best behavior. Conversations typically go like this: Where do you want to go to dinner? “Wherever you want!” 

What movie do you want to see? “What looks best to you?” 

Do you want to have sex tonight? “I ate Chipotle for lunch, so maybe another time!”

But as the months progress, the need for doing what you want and having to compromise becomes more prominent. It could be something as simple as what to eat for dinner that night to something larger, like which friends’ wedding to go to or whose family to visit on certain holidays. Luckily, my boyfriend and I haven’t had too many problems compromising. We usually try to be pretty fair and even regarding events and whose house to stay over at. But sometimes, I have had to adjust my plans and priorities to account for his plans and priorities. And that transition was not so easy. The inner “only child” in me was starting to break through, screaming, “But I want to do all my things…NOW!”

My boyfriend having an older brother has gotten used to having to share, compromise, and argue, so he has been extremely patient and tolerable with me while I throw a temper tantrum because, as he says, “we can’t go to The Outback three times in one week.”

When I was single, I was pretty much able to do whatever I wanted. If a friend invited me for drinks, I went. If there was a birthday party out of town, I would go. I didn’t have any one to check in with to make sure I was free.

Something else couples must learn to bargain with is how to spend your free time. I like to go out with friends, eat copious amounts of fried cheese and drink until the bartender tells me to go home. My boyfriend, on the other hand, likes to spend his weekend nights at home relaxing watching Netflix, cooking, and visiting Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Since the weekends are pretty much our only time to spend together, we had to vastly compromise on how we would spend our time, without being apart. So we did the “every-other” rule. One weekend we will go out to in East Village or make reservations for dinner in the city and the next weekend we will lounge, order in, and catch up on House of Cards.

It is, in my opinion, the best of both worlds.

So, even though having to compromise seems like a hassle, when you are with the right person, the situation doesn’t seem compromising at all. 

A REASON TO CELEBRATE

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Six Months

I have to be honest; I never thought when I started writing about my relationship that I would make it to six months. Three months were even a stretch for me. This isn’t saying that I felt my relationship was doomed from the start, it simply means that since I am a relationship novice, I figured I would have fucked it up by now.
 

But I didn’t!
 

When trying to decide what I wanted to write about for my 6th month anniversary, I knew that it had to be something encouraging, relatable, impactful and (most importantly) celebratory.
 

The sixth month of my relationship brought many great things to celebrate. For starters, I got my very own one bedroom apartment! This is the first time in my life I am living alone and I can’t tell you how happy I am. At first I thought it was going to get lonely and I would start to crave the need and want of a roommate. But, I have realized it’s so nice and refreshing to come home to an empty apartment, throw my clothes wherever I want, and blast Lisa Loeb while I eat hot pockets on my couch. #tuesdays

Another exciting event that happened this month was that my boyfriend got a brand new job! After months of freelancing at numerous companies, he was offered a full time position with a publishing company and I couldn’t be any prouder. It was rough watching him go through the interview process, trying to find a job that not only loved him, but one that he loved just as much.

And on top of my new apartment and his new job, it was also my boyfriends 26th birthday this month, one more reason to celebrate!

This is the first time in my life that I have dated someone who was younger than me, so I would always bring it up to everyone we met, leaving my boyfriend aggravated. He would always get so mad at me when I would say I am robbing the cradle, pretending that our 2.5 year age difference was a much more significant gap. I would always tease him, “I bet you don’t even know who New Kids on the Block are or what a tamigatchi is!” But he did.

I feel that 6 months is a milestone for any relationship – especially a gay one. We got to know everything about each other, from our idiosyncrasies (he wears socks to bed and I wake up in the middle of the night to make sure I turned the oven off) to when we need space. We've loved, we fought, and we learned how to communicate. I learned how to share a bed and he learned how to appreciate Outback Steakhouse. And I am so happy at where him and I are today.

I was thinking earlier that over the course of the six months we have been together, we have gone from really highs to really lows, both personally and together. When we first met, we were both a little confused on where our lives were going. Where were we going to live next? What do we want to do for a living? Where should we eat dinner? It also seemed that our happiness schedules were never in sync, but finally this month we are both extremely happy in our careers, our personal life, and our relationship.

And who wouldn’t want to celebrate that? 

LUCKY NUMBER SEVEN

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Seven Months

I can’t believe that summer is almost over. As I sit here typing this article in my drafty and fluorescent-lit office, I can’t stop thinking about all of the trips I wanted to take, beaches I wanted to visit, and meals I wanted to eat.

While I may have eaten 98% of my “Food Wish List”, I still had yet to leave New York and I didn’t even come close to visiting a beach – unless you count the patch of sand in Staten Island they call the beach, which I don’t.  As far as summers were concerned, I was pretty unlucky this year.

But that’s not to say I didn’t have fun! Because I did! I got to leave work at 3pm on Fridays twice, I went to the Taylor Swift 1989 World Tour, and I even visited the Bronx Zoo for the first time. While my friends were relaxing at their lake houses, traveling through Europe, and posing for pictures in the Hamptons, I pretty much stayed put.

That is, until this past weekend when my boyfriend and I took a road trip to the one and only Atlantic City!!!

Did your eyes just roll? Because I could feel your eyes rolling…

Okay, I know Atlantic City is not technically “getting away” or “going on vacation” or even “clean” but to me, it still counts! When I learned my best friend was having her bachelorette party in AC, I knew that I wanted to go and surprise her and invited my boyfriend to come along so we could also have a weekend away.

The events at this weekend away were pretty essential to me in two ways: One, he was going to meet my best friend – whose opinion means more to me than the ranch dressing Outback serves with their cheese fires – and two, we would be in the car together for three hours, hoping not to drive each other crazy. Pun intended.

Our trip started on Friday at 3 (see, I told you I got to leave work early) and because of traffic and assholes, we didn’t get to AC until 8pm. Surprisingly enough, we didn’t want to claw each others eyes out after being stuck in the car together for that much time. When we finally arrived at our hotel, we ran up to the room, changed, and headed downstairs to meet up with the group and surprise my friend.

Once we were all together, we decided to go to the Pool Party for some drinks and dancing. Now, if any of you know me you know that the last place I belong at is a Pool Party in Atlantic City. Everyone was wasted, dressed to the nines, and every song that came on was by a band called Skrillex. But, in the end, it was one of the funniest nights of my life. The best part of the evening, well besides dancing with a group of black girls in the shallow end of the pool to a T Pain song, was looking over and seeing my boyfriend and best friend, sitting down, talking and getting to know one another. There are a few moments in life that I wish I could frame and remember forever. This was one of them.

The next day we hung out at the pool, where people were still dressed up and dub step was still blasting out of the speakers. After five mojitos and a plate of nachos, we got dressed to go to dinner and separate from the group for a date nigh alone. It was so nice to be walking down the boardwalk, away from the city, with my boyfriend. It was the perfect way to end a fantastic weekend and to celebrate seven amazing months together.

Even though I did not win any money at blackjack and those pool nachos gave me diarrhea, I have to say that this weekend made me realize just how unbelievably lucky I am.

LANGUAGES OF LOVE

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Eight Months

“Why don’t you say ‘I love you’?”
 

This is a question I ask my boyfriend on a weekly basis. Not because I’m in a dire need of the constant affirmation, but mostly out of curiosity.

I just always figured that once you and your partner fell in love, it was something that was said every single time you spoke: “Have a good day! I love you”… “Goodnight! I love you”…”I just broke my record and ate three everything bagels in one sitting. I love you!”

I don’t know if it was the household I grew up in or the movies I watched as a child, but not hearing those three little words every time my boyfriend and I spoke really started to get under my skin. Until recently.

One night, I was at a birthday dinner with a group of friends and after a bottle or two of red wine, I started opening up about this subject to the table, hoping to get some advice, words of wisdom, and a third bottle of wine. When I finished my story, my one friend told me that there are different languages of love.

Five, to be exact.

There is a book (and a website) called The Five Languages of Love, and when I got home that night, I started reading about it. In a nutshell, it went on to explain that not only is each relationship different, but each person is different in the way they express their feelings, communicate, and validate their love for their partner.

The first way is through words of affirmation – the way I clearly express my love. In this example, the person in the relationship feels that by verbally saying “I love you” (or texting it…) confirms exactly how they feel in the relationship and wants that to be returned.  The other languages of love are through acts of service, quality time, gift giving and physical touch.  All of these ways, in the eyes of the book’s author, are equivalent.

When I brought this up with my boyfriend (for the fifth time) he seemed utterly confused and a little exasperated. “Just because I don’t say it every fifteen seconds doesn’t mean I don’t feel it,” he said while we laid on the couch and he rubbed my feet. “When I take you out to dinner, that is me showing you love. When I take out your trash or clean your air conditioning filter, that is me showing you love. Even when I sit here and rub your feet – this is me showing you love.”

Hearing him say all that really woke me up. Of course he loved me! He is constantly communicating with me, making plans to see me, and even surprising me with bottles of wine, cards in the mail,  or donuts.

When you date someone who speaks a different “language of love,” it is your job to not only accept and understand their way of expressing their love, but reciprocating the way they are used to, or prefer.

Taking this into consideration, I have stopped getting upset if my boyfriend sends me a “Goodnight” text without the I-love-you attached, but also trying to show him I love him the way he shows me, and visa versa. I have been trying to plan more date nights and spend quality time with him, having long conversations, and holding his hand whenever possible. And in turn, he has been verbally expressing that he loves me or misses me every day. 

After discussing this and working through it, our relationship has never been stronger now that we are (finally) speaking each other’s language. I feel that this is a common event in every relationship, and it’s not about getting upset – it’s about getting clarity.

And now that we have that, it truly had a hand in making month eight great. 

GOING THE DISTANCE

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Nine Months

I am running out of ideas.

I never figured nine months ago that maintaining this blog was going to be harder than my day at a cross-fit gym. In the beginning, posts would come to me effortlessly. But now, I have to sit in front of my computer, drink a minimum of three glasses of wine, and scroll through our entire text history just for a semblance of an idea.

While re-reading our text messages, I noticed two things: We use the kissy face emoji an obnoxious amount of times and we were apart for a lot of this month due to traveling for work and vacations. So, since I don’t want to write a post about emoticons, I decided to write it on how we coped with being apart and essentially having a long distance relationship.

Now, I know there are people who actually have long distance relationships and you may think I’m just reaching here, but we already live pretty far away from each other as it is. He is in Staten Island and I am in Queens – not the most convenient boroughs to travel between.  It takes each one of us an hour and thirty minutes to get to the other one’s house, and that’s only if public transportation decides to cooperate that day.

I did the math and in our 9 months of dating, we have spent 4 weeks, 5 days and 11 hours commuting back and forth to each other’s apartments. Now, I didn’t really do the math because I haven’t picked up a calculator since 2004, but I would say it’s a safe estimate.

Aside from not living close to each other, we have both been traveling an unusual amount lately. First, I was out of town at a wedding for a weekend and then when I got back, my boyfriend went to Hawaii for 8 days (I didn’t want to go…………) and then the week after he got back, he had to travel for work.

When we did see one another, we were both so exhausted from traveling that we didn’t want to do anything but relax and watch TV. And then, before we knew it, we were apart for another 8 days.

Even though we were both so busy, and one of us got an awesome tan, we still needed to find a way to make sure we communicated every day. Communication is extremely important to me, and especially with us going a span a week without seeing each other, we had to go out of our way to let the other know we were thinking about them.
 

I would have to say this was one of the best and toughest months for us as a couple. It was tough because of the obvious – not seeing each other as often as we would like. And the best because we were thrown into this hectic, frenzied, and long distance schedule that we managed to overcome without it affecting our relationship.

Nine months and still going strong, no matter the distance. 

THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Ten Months

This month I turned 29.

I wanted to be more upset or fearful of the number, but for maybe the first time since my 21st birthday, I was actually really excited about turning one year older. I think it’s because I actually feel the age that I am. When I was 26, what I consider the big “I’m an adult, now” age, I was a mess. Drinking almost every night, no money in the bank, and nothing in my life was stagnant. Now, at 29, I have my own apartment, a “big-boy” job, and a loving and supportive relationship.

This being my first actual real relationship, I never had someone to celebrate my birthday with. Sure, I had friends and family, but I didn’t have that one person who meant the world to me, sitting beside me, singing “Happy Birthday” to me.

But this year I did. And I got so excited because: presents! And being spoiled by someone. And getting a back rub. And bagels in bed. And everything else good in the world!

But figuring out what to do for my birthday weekend was quite possibly one of the most stressful situations I have ever put myself into, when in reality, all I really wanted to do was surround myself with good food, great friends, and strong drinks. Which, as it turned out, is exactly how I spent my birthday.

After a delicious – and hilarious – birthday dinner with my friends, my boyfriend and I headed back to Staten Island for the weekend. Two cat naps, a tunnel, a bridge, and a $100 uber ride later, we arrived at his apartment where I was presented with…my presents.

Everyone secretly gets nervous about what their significant other is going to get them for their birthday. And if you are sitting there saying, “Oh, I don’t! Love and happiness is all I really need!” you’re lying to yourself. Or you’ve never been gifted a Cheese of the Month Club. Either way, I had some trepidation walking into that apartment, practicing my best Leo DiCaprio at The Oscars face.

Fortunately for the both of us, I didn’t have to pretend at all. The gifts were amazing and more than I could have ever hoped for. And just to make it clear – I was kidding earlier. I do value love and happiness way more than material items. But presents are a nice add-on. 

The following night, he took me out to a very nice dinner and then stayed out until 3am with me and my friends in the East Village. I remember spotting him from across the crowded bar – him, making conversation with my friends and me, sloppily shooting my seventh shot of Fireball and I thought to myself how incredibly lucky I was. This guy, who I’ve only known for ten months, has become my favorite person.

He knows how to deal with my sarcasm (walks away), knows what makes me happy (bagels in bed) and knows how to make me feel special (every single day). But he knew how to make me feel extra special for my birthday, leaving me the happiest birthday boy in the world.

And I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I love you.

THANKFUL

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for Elven Months

November was an extremely busy month. During it, my boyfriend and I celebrated my birthday, Thanksgiving, and our 11th month anniversary. We also took our first real vacation, traveling down to Florida to attend my best friend’s wedding and also making our way to Disney World and Universal Studios.
 

We had this trip planned since July, and I cannot believe how fast it snuck up on us. I have to admit that I was a little nervous about this vacation. Sure, we’ve gone away together for a weekend (Atlantic City, Long Island, and the thrilling town of Poughkeepsie) but nothing as serious as going through airport security, taking a plane, and fighting about which ride to go on next at Magic Kingdom.

Needless to say, this trip was a big deal.

He and I have never spent that much consecutive time together – a whopping five days. Now, I know it seems a little weird that we have been dating for almost a year and have not spent a lot of successive time together, but with the location of our apartments and our busy schedules (…his busy schedule), spending a weekend together is a treat – let alone 5 days.  

And ya know what? Aside from being dragged on a roller coaster, it was amazing! We left that trip with so many memories, stories, and inside jokes. It was exactly what the two of us needed.  

Another great thing that I noticed on this trip was how comfortable he was with all of my friends – even ones he had never met before. I got worried when I went to the bar or to use the bathroom that he would be sitting at the table, alone on his phone. But the both times that I left him, I came back to see him waiting in line with my friends to get wedding cake or dancing with the bride to the Cha-Cha Slide. Watching him “cha cha real smooth” with my best friend warmed my heart. 

But, aside from the celebrations and the vacation, this month really had me thinking about how appreciative I am. Now, I know I’m bordering a cliché by saying that Thanksgiving made me feel thankful, but it’s true (and I am seriously running out of ideas on here…)

Besides a fantastic family and amazing friends, I am so extremely thankful for my boyfriend. Thankful for his insight into my mundane problems. Thankful for his thoughtfulness and compassion. Thankful for his laughter when I say the same joke over and over about mac and cheese. 

It’s almost a year, and somehow I can’t even believe it. I sit here, thinking of how lucky I am to have found someone who gets me (and feeds me). How happy I am that we have made it this far and still miss each other when we are apart. And how thankful I am to have such an amazing person in my life, constantly making me a better person.

In case I don't say it enough, thank you. For everything. 

ONE YEAR AGO

What I've Learned From Being in a Relationship for One Year

Where do I even begin?
 

I feel like I’ve been planning this one year post since our second date, but now that I am on a time crunch to write it and have a year full of memories stored in my head, I am having a difficult time trying to properly examine this chapter of my life eloquently, humorously, and honestly.
 

2015 gave me a year of firsts: trying African cuisine, living on my own, showering daily, and of course, being in a relationship.

This past year, I have tried to write from the heart about each month of my relationship, from the exciting new challenges I faced to the sometimes demanding and strenuous aspects of dating someone new.

I discussed – maybe in too much detail – how I made the adjustment from being single and free to learning to be dependent on someone else. I reviewed the things I have in common with my boyfriend and of course, the things we do not have in common (I love 30 Rock and his favorite show is Will & Grace...)  I spoke about each holiday and birthday we celebrated, each trip and weekend getaway we took, and the fact that I rode the Staten Island Ferry more times than I’d like to remember.

This year I learned how to put someone first. To understand their feelings and thoughts, what they like, what they don’t like, what makes them happy and unfortunately what makes them upset. From spending so much time with my boyfriend, I not only got a chance to understand him, I also got the opportunity to fully discover who I am as a person and as a partner. And I'm sure I can speak for my boyfriend and say that I am extremely perfect. 

I always knew that I was difficult at times (and I’m sure my friends and family would be the first to agree). I am essentially an only child who has been single for 28 years so I never had to share and I never had anyone depending on me. I was free to do exactly what I wanted – anytime I wanted. While at the time I thought it was the greatest thing in the world, looking back on my life now, I realize just how lonely I was. 

But then, everything changed. 

One year ago, after going on some of the worst dates of my life, I was lost and confused. I was so aggravated and disheartened that I would never find someone who understood me completely, someone who could make me laugh, and most importantly, someone who constantly wanted to be around me.
 

One year ago, I took a chance on a right-swipe from Tinder and met him out at a bar for a first date, thinking this would just be another night I would get drunk in a stranger’s company and cry on the R train.

One year ago,  I felt something I'd never felt before. 

One year ago, I met the greatest guy in the world. 

One year ago, I fell in love.

 It didn’t happen over night and it wasn’t something out of a fairy tale. It wasn’t perfect or easy some days. It wasn’t laughs and hugs and chicken nuggets the entire time. But it is our story, and I wouldn’t change a single word.

 Thank you for a wonderful year. I love you.